Talking to your preteen about sex is not a comfortable thing. I remember not too long ago my daughter and I were watching a romantic comedy. It made everything seem so perfect. It even made me get heartfelt and maybe kiss on my husband. I just so happen to turn around to see what my daughter was doing and she had the most beautiful smile on her face watching dreamy eyed. I knew then I had to have the talk. Hollywood has disillusioned so many of us on love and sex. People began to expect things out of a relationship they’ve seen on tv or movies. Not gonna happen! Our teenagers need to know their bodies. I know many people frown on masturbation, but guys its a pretty normal act, and its safe! We are all sexual beings. So when you walk in on your son or daughter performing this act don’t make them feel ashamed this is the perfect opportunity to talk more. Sex has become so taboo. Our bodies without clothes have become so taboo. Adam and Eve didn’t wear clothes remember? God gave us our bodies and that wonderful feeling with sex. King Solomon talked explicitly about sex with the woman he loved. The important thing is when you decide to have sex. Teenagers are just too young to understand the complications of this act. Not only are they not emotionally ready but what if pregnancy occurs, they are not financially ready. Why wait until you get married? Well you are committed to someone who has picked you over all others. Most likely you are old enough to express your love in the way it should be expressed. Realistically most of us didn’t wait until marriage, so explain to your child how that was not a great choice. Don’t hide your past! This could be the greatest lesson your child can learn. While most parents of Christian teens would like to think that talking about abstinence is enough, the unfortunate fact is that many teens (Christian and non-Christian alike) have sex before marriage. While it is important to tell our teens why not having sex before marriage is ideal, we cannot just skip over the talk about having safe sex. Be prepared to talk about condoms, dental dams, birth control pills, and more. Don’t be afraid to discuss STDs and AIDS. Understand your facts about rape and abortion. Be educated about those topics, before you talk about them so you aren’t taken off guard when you’re asked. If you don’t know – then take the time to look it up. Remember, we often talk about putting on the full armor of God, and part of that armor is wisdom. Remember our bodies are beautiful and sex is apart of life. We need to teach our children to love themselves and give them a healthy and realistic view of sex and relationships. Allow them to have a positive body image, especially our girls. You don’t have to be sexy to be desirable. I think that makes for a better outcome in the future generations…..Im just sayin.
To Spank or Not to Spank
In African American culture is it a very common practice to give your children spankings. Actually its a very Southern thing when you think about it. My siblings and I received spankings. Maybe I won’t call them spankings I should call them whippings! My father was a very important figure in our household. He was the provider and the disciplinarian. I can remember like it was yesterday my mom saying, “Wait until your dad gets home!” Those were the worst words for a kid to hear in my house. Now that I am an adult, do I agree with my father’s discipline? That’s kind of a hard question to answer because it worked for us. What do I mean? Well, my family and I are still really close. Sunday dinners, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and even Summer vacations are still spent with my family. My mother and father are still a very important in my life. I know that my father loved us and only did what he felt was right. I know that his father used the same discipline and probably his father before him. I think things change once we educate ourselves on what works best for our families. I have never given my daughter the spankings I received, however, in my father’s defense she isn’t as naughty as I was. Just the threat of a spanking makes her get her act together. I do believe that spankings work on some kids and not on others. I compare it to how children learn. Not all children learn the same. Well, the same goes for discipline. We can’t discipline each child the same. I know there is something current in the news with a famous football star disciplining his four year old. I don’t know his situation and will not judge him on this blog. There is a wonderful Maya Angelou quote that I love. “When you know better you do better.” I have witnessed kids in shopping centers acting up and I want to spank them myself! I think a lot of times our society has become so politically correct that everything is considered bad for the child. We focus too much on their immediate needs and not what is going to help them further in life. When you do something bad there is consequences. I think that was probably the origins of spankings. It’s funny because I see it all the time with unruly kids. Once they become older and are still a handful, parents want to send them to the military or military school. And don’t they use the same kind of discipline I’m speaking of? A lot of times when the military is done with an individual they become very respectful and law abiding citizens. I am not telling everyone to spank their child. What I am saying is to educate yourselves on what works best for your family in a reasonable manner. Of course, there are forms of child abuse, and there are a lot of children abused everyday. In my household I discipline through talking, sometimes yelling, crying, and sharing life experiences. Is this way the right way? I am sure my kid will grow up and think some of my decisions were out of control! One thing I do say to my daughter when I discipline her is “You know I have never raised a daughter before and sometimes I am going to get things wrong but please know my intentions and see my heart through this.” One thing that helps my relationship with my daughter is I allow communication. I think this is possible even if you spank them to communicate what is happening and why. Never spank in anger because that doesn’t help anyone! A lot of times once you’ve calmed down you may not want to spank at all but just talk about it and tell your child the consequence of their action. Let’s become advocates of children to grow up to be respectful, law abiding, educated, wise thinkers. It surely would make for a better society………..I’m just saying.
Should we talk to our children about race?
I remember when I was in grade school I had a white friend, lets call her Chrissy. Chrissy invited me on a playdate. I say “playdate” now but back then I don’t know what we called it. Well, afterwards my dad picked me up and began with the questions.
“What did ya’ll do?”
“What did ya’ll eat?”
“Did people stare at you?”
With that last question it made me pause and look at him.
“What? people were staring at you?” he asked again.
“Yeah,” I finally said surprisingly.
“Well, its because you’re black.” my dad said turning toward the steering wheel and began driving us home.
Until that moment I didn’t think about Chrissy and I being different. We were both in 4th grade. We both liked the same boy. We liked the same movies and music. It seemed as if we were just alike. But that changed when my Dad made that comment. I began to feel different. I began to remember the people who stared at me when Chrissy and I played outside. I thought it was because I was pretty. I thought it was because I threw that ball in the hoop really well. I never once thought it was because of my skin color. Later that year I began to become distant from Chrissy. I wonder had not my Dad made that comment would I have remain friends with her? Now, I have a child of my own. I try to be very careful on how I explain race with her. I don’t want to bring in my ideas and prejudices into how she feels or thinks. A lot of time I think we bring up race when it doesn’t need to be brought up. Sure there are different things that happen in the world where discussions are needed. But a fun family night out when a white family is bowling next to you is not the time. Or when a hispanic family is in front of you at the supermarket. I mention these examples because I have witnessed first hand people whispering about different cultures in these types of surroundings. I want my daughter to respect different cultures because I want different cultures to respect her. Everyone is not a racist and everyone is not meaning to harm black people. My daughter is attending a private school and sometimes she is the only one of color in her class. I remember she came home one day and said her teacher made her sit in the Thinking Chair and everyone stared at her and she was embarrassed. Right away assumed it was because of her color. I made an appointment with her teacher the next day. Her teacher later explained that my daughter became so excited in circle time she accidentally head butted one of the students and became excited again and kicked another. I knew my daughter very well and have witnessed her “excitement” and this sounded a lot like her. I was really glad I didn’t say anything to her about her color. I would have hated for her to feel like an outsider. I think we should start investigating things a little more before we mention race. I know it can be hard, especially if you were born before 1974. In order to heal race relations we have to be honest and open on things we hold onto, and if it is not helping us, let’s let it go. Let’s pull together and try to make it a better society for everyone……..I’m just saying.
black evidence 